Marriage Makeover: The R & R Relationship Repair Program

If you are struggling in your marriage, it’s time for a marriage makeover!

Marriage woes cost more than you think. A Lack of productivity at work, emotional health, wasted time that could have been spent laughing gets spent arguing, and mainly doing negative things ARE expensive to your health and to your pocketbook!

Investing in your marriage is one of the best things you can do in the short term to produce lasting and long-term results.

Instead of simply complaining about your spouse, give yourself the affordable and life-lasting gift of the R & R Relationship Repair Program with Reflections Counseling & Coaching!

You’ll see new life in your marriage, waste little to no time having senseless arguments, and have WAY more fun together.

The program is fast, simple, and although hard work, it’s shaped so you can have fun learning and grow! See what clients are saying, too on our testimonials page for marriage coaching! Call 941-301-8420 to book your appt in-person (Skype or phone coaching also available)! www.ReflectionsCC.com

 

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Marriage: Help & Hope That Defies Nature by Christa Hardin

 

“I can’t help the way I feel. I just don’t love him anymore. We’re never going to change. I can’t do this anymore.”

I hear these dramatic words slip off tongues all the time in a first session. Once someone is in this mode, it takes some convincing for them to see any hope.

As you know, many of the movies we watch, pop culture books we read, and stories we’re told portray spousal love as a heart-throbbing, wild, thrilling, and even sadistic roller coaster type of experience (and all at the same time if you’re in the drama genre).

However, it’s not the kind of love that’s found in 1 Corinthians 13. The Bible spells it out so well:

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails….” 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a

Should there be any doubt after reading this all-inclusive verse on love’s definition, God mentions love in the Bible around 500 times. He probably does this so there will be little doubt as to what really defines it.

God also takes painstaking efforts to let us know just how much He loves us, having allowed His Son to die on the cross for us. He gives us the definition and is the definition of love, be there no mistake. But why did have to God go to these lengths to show us how to love?

Well, for starters, since the Fall in the Garden of Eden when our race first sinned, love doesn’t always come naturally to us. And of course, Christ was the perfect sacrifice for sin, once for all. As we know it now in our fallen bodies, Christian love defies nature. When the “fight” or “flight” feelings arise in a relationship to warn us of a problem compounded by our sin, we are naturally cued to leave one another, to fight it out, or to sin in some way, whatever our own guilty pleasure.

Some of us turn to gluttony, others to alcohol, and still others to yelling, gossip, slander, or many other awful coping mechanisms we have picked up along the way.

Unfortunately, as much as our desire to stay emotionally safe is a gift from God so we can act in true emergencies of abuse or neglect — a separate but important topic — often we allow it to be activated in situations where we could be turning to God for help. “He lied to me. I’ll spend money.” “She won’t give to me sexually. I’ll view pornography.”

Sometimes these reactions are so fast that we try not to see the connection, and we act so quickly in sin that we don’t even stop to process.

I’m asking you this week to so something important.

Defy nature.

Defy the natural idea to sin, to leave, to fight, to act harmfully toward someone made in God’s image.

Some of you may be thinking that the love mentioned in this week’s verse sounds imprisoning.

Contrarily, this true love allows you to be free from the agony of hate and the victim mentality altogether. It offers the choice to care, not only for another but for yourself. Get emotional, spiritual, and physical self care and I promise you, you will shine for Christ in amazing, thrilling, and heart-throbbing ways you never even dreamed of. Even though they may be a far cry from Hollywood’s definition.

But remember that true love isn’t always fun, even when you do love yourself well. Sometimes it looks like helping someone through their grief or pain when you’d rather be on the golf course or tasting martinis at the local happy hour.

Love sometimes means scrubbing toilets as a second job so you can afford to pay the rent as a single parent. And sometimes love means being lonely, since others at times take advantage of a kind soul.

If our treasures were all earthly, this wouldn’t make any sense, would it? But when you consider that our treasures are in heaven (Matthew 6:20), and we don’t receive the full reward of them till then, you know that loving is always the answer, even when life’s circumstances would warn you to do other things.

The voice of culture tells you, “If you love her, she’ll take advantage of you.” “If you love him, he’ll take everything and leave you high and dry.” The voice of God is clear and strong, telling you to love others and yourself well, and that God Himself will fill you.

You see, those who don’t love carry a far greater burden than those who do.

They carry lust, deceit, revenge, hate, malice, selfishness, and far worse positions than those who choose to love despite the cost.

I for one, don’t want to carry this load around.

I want to trust God to meet my every need, and ask you to join me in loving your family and friends, your enemies and your neighbors with the love of God this week and always.

Love is enough.

To work with me more directly, contact us here!

Marriage – Money Matters

Read this blog aloud with your spouse at the dinner table. Guaranteed you will be laughing at my awkward early-marriage moments as well as adding some of your own to the table. More importantly, you will be challenged to grow together! Happy Reading!

Money Matters by Christa Hardin, MA, LLP, BCLC – excerpted from Table for Two: Mealtime Devotionals for Couples

My husband and I were newly married twenty-one year olds, and needless to say, we still had stars in our eyes.

We had just counted out the money in our wedding envelopes and were headed off with loads of cash and checks to the land of plenty – California.

We didn’t have money mentors in our lives who could help us to start out on the best financial journey. I’m sure you can guess where this is leading.

We spend almost our entire wedding cash on our honeymoon!

We thought since it was a honeymoon we should be eating at only the finest establishments, so even when we were tired and worn out, we ordered from only the most exclusive and expensive cafes in Santa Barbara.
Besides one of two sluggish games of tennis, a tandem bicycle ride gone wrong (we Midwestern folk weren’t used to hills and arguments that came on that ride! I can’t wait to tell you more about that little tandem journey in a future blog), all we did besides the obvious, was eat, eat and eat!

Thinking back, a cruise would have been a better plan for us, since we would have eaten to our heart’s content and still managed to come out with some dough in our pockets, but naive as we were, we wanted California where we had gotten engaged, and nothing could stop us from meeting our dreams, even if they were unwisely laid out. It reminds me of this verse,
“Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man’s dwelling, but a foolish man devours it.” Proverbs 20:21
We definitely devoured, quite literally, our brand-new savings for a home or our upcoming graduate school bills or even our future family which was only a few years down the road. Since hindsight is twenty-twenty, we don’t condemn ourselves and have God’s grace, but along the way we have learned that saving a portion of our money for emergencies and future plans is wise, and that trying to get immediate gratification isn’t.
A major foodie, this still gets me from time to time, but now that we do our budget together monthly and have since taken the advice of wise financial advisors, we are on a much wiser path and enjoying the fruits of a comfortable dwelling and savings even as we give and try to keep outgiving ourselves! God has shown us that by giving over our time, talents, and treasures in this case, we can truly find wisdom.
I wonder if you have ever felt this way in your financial story together? If you have, you are not alone! Most couples tell me in our marriage sessions that financial stress is one of their biggest areas of concern and many times, spouses don’t even discuss it because there is so much fear around the topic.
As a brief activity, take some time to talk about three simple ways you can fine-tune your finances to get them more in line with God’s plans for your family. Be brief and not blaming with one another.

Saying Grace

Dear Lord,

Thank You for the provision of meals to us each day. Sometimes we have more than other times, but you have faithfully provided us our daily bread and for that we are so thankful. Help us to look at our finances wisely, with logic and wisdom. Help us to recognize when we are spending emotionally and fill us with Your precious and free gifts so that we are not tempted to fill the voids with material things which do not satisfy anyway! Help us to come together as a couple to discuss our finances regularly and consistently. Help us to know where to give and now much, to have passion to give in places that will honor you! In Jesus Name, Amen.

Table Trivia

“What’s cooking? Apparently, not Americans. For the first time ever, people in the U.S. are spending more money dining out then buying groceries.” FoxNews.com April 15th, 2015.
Honey Homework

For future study: Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover program is an excellent beginning or even advanced financial spending program, and Suze Orman has a wonderful book entitled, The 9 Steps to FInancial Freedom that will help you to find healing and hope in this area! Commit to beginning one of these programs or talking to a financially wise mentor or advisor (non-family if possible) about your next steps.

A La Carte

On your next date night, set a ridiculously low budget (so long as it’s not an anniversary or your spouse’s birthday!). If you’re used to spending sixty dollars, for instance, between the meal, a sitter, and drinks or dessert, try aiming for twenty-five, by swapping childcare with a friend as well as eating at a local upscale(ish) cafe (like Panera Bread or a pizza joint) and taking a walk together afterwards!